Genetic Mishaps


 * For the species, see Genetic Mishap

Genetic Mishaps is the second chapter in the Fun with Vampires. It introduces the characters of Toaster Waffles, Merbolk and Harry Fishfolk.

Content
Arthur, Holly, Chupo, Stephan and the Professor walked along the barren desert. Each had large sacks containing food, water and necessary items. Chupo ran ahead with Stephan who was ‘fighting Quawbacks” while Arthur, Holly and the Professor discussed the safest roots. Deep Blue had been programmed into personal computer wrist bands.

“Chance of survival, 0.00000007 – 100,000,000,000,000” beeped Deep Blue in her feminine voice.

“She’s been saying that for the past 4 hours,” complained Arthur.

“Yeah” said Holly, “its not exactly helping my confidence.” Holly gave a nervous laugh and darted her eyes from side to side.

“Deep Blue has a megatransmitial chip lodged deeply in her personality and intelligence dependency, it causes her to take full guardianship of us no matter what programming I give her, dislodging the chip would be both distressing and dangerous for her. Such an unhabitable environment such as this causes her senses to go wild and her programming refuses to do anything else” said the Professor.

“Chance of survival 0.00000007- 100,000,000,000,000” said Deep Blue again.

Stephan ran up to them just as Deep Blue had finished another warning, he started giggling hysterically. “The bracelet can talk,” he laughed.

“At least the chances of our survival can’t get any worse” said Holly encouragingly, patting the two on the back.

“Chance of survival 0.00000005-100,000,000,000,000” said Deep Blue.

“Oh” said Holly.

Chupo jumped on Stephan's sack wich he had left on the ground ‘so he could lighten his weight and beat the oldies’ and the string collapsed, causing piles of cheese to pour on to the ground .“Is this the only thing you bought?!?” asked Arthur angrily as he lifted up a chunk of cheese. “Yes” said Stephan “cheese is nature's fudge” he said, holding up a rectangular piece and examining it closer

“Although I have nothing against dairy products, are you seriously going to eat all that?” asked Holly

“Eat? Of course not! This chese is for purly ornamental reasons only, did you know I am actually lactose intolerant” said Stephan matter-of-factly

“So you packed a whole bag of an assortments of cheeses, no water, food or weapons” said Arthur slaping is hand against his head.

“Actually no” said Stephan “I am actually dangerously armed” He pulled out a red elastic band and stretching it over his fingers.

“Chances of survival 0,00000005-100,000,000,000,000” said Deep Blue again, Stephan started collecting the cheeses and placing them back in his sack.

“We will need to find an oasis for Stephan, each one of us only has enough water to keep our internal fluids up to standars for several months. We will not be able to share any of ours with him” said the Professor.

“Does the Unknown Zone even have an oasis? I thought it was all dry and bare and death” said Arthur “and even if it did how would we find it?”

“We could ask the pointy man” said Stephan pointing towards a giant bee flying towards them. “You must help me and my people” it buzzed as it landed a few feet in front of them.

“Typical” said Arthur “we enter the Unknown Zone and guess what? A giant bee asks for our help”

The bee growled at him “the time to joke is long gone”

“What exactly do you need our help for?” asked the Professor

“My brothers and sisters were captured by an insane cloning professor, I have foreseen you, the three eyed monkey and the boy with the Sight with his girl and a past merman, You must help me, fate has spoken”

“AAAAAAHHH!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! THE FURY AEROPLANE TALKS” yelled Stephan, the bee stared at him.

“Ignore him” said Arthur.

“We need to find water, can you direct as to some?” asked Holly

“There is no water for miles, the only moisture related liquid close is either in the underground city Stagel Halt or imbedded in my abdomen” said the bee

“I thought the underground metropolis of Stagel Halt was just a story to make the Unknown Zone seem slightly less, well …. Unknown” said the Professor

“Seriously, what IS a story?” asked Arthur

“If you help rescue my siblings, they will provide you with water”

“Will you lead us to Stagel Halt?” asked Arthur

The bee stumbled backwards and gaped in horror, “go back and be captured along with the rest of my siblings? It has taken me ages to escape, now I will travel back to the Big City were I shall live my childhood dream. I will open up a small giraffe shop somewere near my genetic masters apartment, maybe drop in a few times.

“To lead you as your guide my friend Murbolk will help you” the bee pulled out a silver flask and fliked the lid open, a small fish floated out “He is my second brother in law, I managed to rescue him also” The bee turned to Murbolk “bye bye Murby” he said and flew off.

Stephan ran up to Murbolk and stared at him “my daddy had something like you, but then he fed it to Mittens” he said, Murbolk turned to him “you have me confused by a common fish, I am not, the only fishlike feature of me is my appearance. My intelligence, personality, powers and intricate innards are of a different design” said Murbolk.

“Then what are you?” said Holly

“A genetic mishap” said Murbolk “my siblings were mishaps also, we were created by a gentics engineer but were exiled when he discovered a more efficient way of creating life”

“Godwing Jenkings” said Deep Blue

“Deep Blue!!” said Arthur

“Now that we are nearby sufficient water and we have a guide with knowledge of the Unknown Zone, The chance of our survival has risen and Deep Blue can relieve herself of her guardianship tendency’s”

“Who is Godwing Jenkins?” asked Holly

“Godwing Jenkins. A famous genetic engineer and a former work colleague of Mervin Marvin. Three years ago the steaming chemicals from his work drove him crazy” said Deep Blue

“Yes, the one whose name is Godwing Jenkins. He is me and my brother and sisters creator, The cloning professor who has captured us is called Harry Fishfolk. The purpose of this kidnapping is to clone each one of our special and unique abilities into separate life pods, with enough of these life pods, the armies of Stagel Halt will crumble and these pods will destroy the whole city” Said Murbolk “I can open up a small portal long enough for us to teleport to Stagel Halt”

Murbolk clapped his fins and a swirly blob of purple goo erupted out of thin air and stained the sand. The stained sand started swirling and Murbolk floated to the portal “this portal shall lead us” he said and jumped in. The others followed except for Arthur who gave a shudder as the Sight took effect and he saw giant, flaming beasts fighting. He jumped in.

At the end of the alleyway, rushing towards them were five or six red specks. Murbolk spotted them first and gave a yell “THERE HERE! THEY KNOW WHERE I AM!” he shrieked, Arthur squinted into the distance and saw them more clearly. They looked exactly like murbolk but there skin was glowing red and they had gleaming fangs. With the Sight, Arthur could see even the demons seemed to acknowledge there presence.

As soon as he jumped in the gateway seemed to miraculously appear in a large city with hundreds of strange veichles racing past. On the dusty pavement walked a number of strange creatures. He recognized goblins, unicorns, elves, humans and Fwaguaks (a form of large dodo) but the rest of the odd creatures remained unknown. The others were a few feet ahead and he ran up to them.

“Before we begin the rescue mission” said Murbolk “we must travel to Faldor Park. The high readings of interdimensional matter make it a great spot for building”

“Building what?” asked Holly

“Genetic beings such as me” said Murbolk “I have no knowledge of the actual interior of Stagel Halt, my purpose was to merely lead you here, but know you need a guide that knows his way around.

“Genetic building should be quite easy for a legendary sightseer such as your self” said Murbolk indicating Arthur “you simply find a hot spot and concentrate on seeing the interdimensional matter. The realitus spell that holds the walls of this reality stable destroy any dependent matter particles in the air so reality is still intact but holding the spell back for a short amount of time allows the dependant cell to attach itself to others thus creating life. For someone without the Sight though” Murbolk indicated to the others “genetic building is a lot more trickier, If you cannot see the dependant cell then the realitus spell shall exterminate it before it has a chance to grow”

Arthur, the Professor, Holly, Stephan, Chupo and Murbolk turned into a damp alleyway.

Grafiti littered the walls and turned over trash cans caused the air to smell foul.

The Professor stared at Murbolk “did you leave before or after the cloning professor examined you?” he asked

“After” said Murbolk

Arthur pulled out a strange looking rod and sent a bolt of electricity towards the advancing clones

“What makes you think there evil?” asked Holly

“Duh, there RED” said Murbolk

The electric bolt hit the first in the triangle but it merely shook of the burning electricity off.

“Its no use, only genetil matter itself can destroy genetic engineerd beings” Murbolk said shaking his head

“Then what do we do?” asked Arthur. The clones were now only seconds away

“Run” said Murbolk.

And the group turned around and sprinted out the alley

“We must run to Faldor Park, The clones will not risk entering with so much genetical matter for us to wield” said Murbolk.

Chupo spat a mouthful of sticky goo towards the clones. It hit a few but it just melted on their invincible skin

‘Good boy” said Holly, patting him on the back.

The group rushed through the strange population while the group of clones slowly advanced. The Professor spotted the park and they ran towards the gates.

As they entered the advancing fish stoped and turned away, fearing for their lives.

Murbolk floated a few feet ahead, feeling with his extra senses of interdimensional hotspots.

Stephan ran in circles, singing some strange un-make-out-able song next to Arthur and Chupo. Arthur would have been thoroughly disgusted by Stephan’s closeness but he was already searching with the Sight through the park. Apart from the strange demons littering the fields Arthur could almost see the small dependant cells, slowly growing but then bursting into gas, as the realitus spell took effect. Murbolk stopped suddenly at a small hill. And as Arthur focused on it, he saw not only one miniscule dependant particle but hundreds of large ones floating in the air, and the realitus spell struggling to destroy every one of them. Murbolk gestured for Arthur to begin the building.

Arthur stepped up the hill concentrated. He found quite a large cell, growing and growing, Next to the cell he saw a small current of electricity heading strait for it. He attempted to swat it out but missed.

“Damm” he whispered.

A couple walking by snickered at him and he realizes what he must look like, standing up the top of a hill, cursing and swatting air. Suddenly self conscious he heard several people behind him attempt badly to hold in laughter. But he continued to focus.

He found another cell, slightly smaller this time, but he managed to swat off several currents. Just at the point when the cell looked lifelike, and probably visible to surrounding people a gigantic current, almost the size of a lightning bolt struck it and it burst into air, with a small shriek. So Arthur began the process again he managed to get the cell to the point were larger currents were needed, but he swatted them off, with a slight stinging sensation wherever it hit his skin. Successfully the cell attached to so many others that it burst threw the realities of existence and flying before him was a successfully genetically engineered parrot like creature but with striped tiger fur, large talons and a wolf like snout, the others applauded. Stephan walked up to the bird which fluttered to his shoulder.

“You're cute” he said to it “I'm going to name you Toaster Waffles”

“Are you able to lead us to Harry Fishfolk?” asked Murbolk

“Well sure, amigos” said Toaster Waffles

He soared of Stephans shoulder and indicated a talon down the street. There on a big sign printed the letters ‘Harry Fishfolks School of Cloneology’

“Oh” said everyone together.

They ran up to the building and read the huge billboard nailed into the ground on the front lawn ‘Welcome young cloners, all is welcome to the opening of Harry Fishfolk's School of Cloneology’

“We must pretend to be beginner cloners” said the Professor

“How do we do that?” asked Holly

“Oh, its easy” said Arthur “all you need to do is wear a big white lab coat and use the word ‘technically’ in every sentence”

“Can the wrinkle men wear the coats to?” asked swiftman indicated a large group of men, with red eyes and wrinkly faces

“Vampires” said Arthur.

The Professor through each one of them a crossbow

“Cool” said Swiftman “I get to poke the wrinkly men.” Swiftman aimed a shot and caught one of the vampires in the heart. He was a total freak, but Stephan Swiftman is a great shot.

The vampires, caught by surprise jumped back in fear but the death of their friend made them even surer of their attack. A rain of arrows killed another two but five still remained. Arthur and Holly ran up and fought one while Stephan continued to shower arrows. Chupo jumped on another ones head while Murbolk helped.

Soon only one remained, he wore a white lab coat and a large top hat. An arrow jabbed him in the leg, he yelled in pain and fell to the ground. A leather pouch fell out of his pocket

“Whats this?” Said Arthur, picking it up. He opened it up and several coins fell out, but sliped under a plastic flap held a picture of the vampires human form.

‘Proffesor Harry Fishfolk’ it said above a photo of a man almost identical to the vampire in front of him, apart from the obvious fact of him being a vampire.

Holly ran up with a wooden stake but Arthur held her back

“Answer me truthfully, because your life could depend on this” Arthur said to the vampire, it nodded “is your name Harry Fishfolk?” asked Arthur.

“Yes” said the vampire in a croaky undead voice.

“I didn’t think you were a vampire” said Holly, disgusted

“I became one not more than a day ago”

“If you're Harry Fishfolk, what have you done with the genetic mishaps” asked Arthur

“After I downloaded there genetic code, I had no more need for them, there scattered around town” he said

Arthur stepped away from the vampire “you have earned your freedom” he said, but an arrow stabed his chest and the vampire toppled to the ground. Arthur turned to see Murbolk with a silver crossbow in his hands “he captured and tortured me and my siblings" he said

“But he had surrended” said Holly

“He’s a vampire anyway, he would have just killed a bunch of other people” said Murbolk

“He’s got a point” said Toaster Waffles

“there’s no point in arguing” said the Professor “the gentic mishaps could be anywere, we must start looking”

“The mental link between me and my siblings allow me to detect the wereabouts of them” said Murbolk “I can feel several now that I concentrate”

“Where do we go first?” asked Arthur

“First of all we must head south” said Murbolk “there’s a small forest on the outskirts of Stagel Halt.

“I can detect large amounts of interdimensional matter, too large to not be a non living being, that is our first stop”

“Cool” said Toaster Waffles “at the forest, I’m going crystallize my self in sap and wake up in the future”

The dark forest swished and swirled around them, like a darkening black hole, all seven of them shivered madly “p-p-ersonally” shivered Holly “I-I p-prefer th-the h-horible h-heat of th-the Unknown Z-z-zone”

“I-its n-not t-t-to bad, o-once you g-get used t-to it” said Arthur

“A-and I suppose th-the f-fact th-that your teeth a-are m-moving f-fast enough t-to power a c-car engine, m-means y-you’ve g-gotten used t-to it” said Holly

“Why are you vibrating?” asked Swiftman “I once had a tooth brush that could do that, but he wasn’t a people like you”

“Here it is” said Murbolk standing in front of a beaten wooden cottage

“God, could you have picked a creepier place?” asked Arthur

“Well I'm sure he could have, but it wouldn’t have his brother or whatever in it” said Toaster Waffles

The Professor opened the door. Strange as it seemed, the inside concealed an interior too large to fit inside the tiny broken down house. Giant fluffy cushions lay neatly against all the walls and pink couches with lace flowers and roses sat around a blistering fire. Small coffee tables sat everywhere around the room, large bowls filled to the brim with chocolates, caramels, jellies and crystilised frogs (a future trend!) were placed neatly exactly in the middle on top of them. A neatly polished dining room squashed in the corner consisted of a light blue work bench, a magazine cabinet and a pink table, set already with cutlery, plates and napkins. A door several feet in front of them and a tall young girl walked out. She had hip length curly hair and wore a long pink dress

“Hello” she said

“Er, hello” said Arthur “have you possibly seen a genetic mishap pass by, you know, something like a horse-tyrannosaurus or a lizard with a pig snout”

“Or a koala with scales” said Toaster Waffle

“Yes, exactly”

“No I don’t think I have seen any of those” she glanced out the window “and you have to leave now, its almost time”

“we need to find my brother” said Murbolk

The girl looked again out the window “well I suppose you could stay and look around for a bit, but if you stay too long I promise you shall be horribly ripped apart and eaten” she smiled politely at them and sat in front of the fire.

Murbolk floated ahead threw the door “we're realy close now” he said

Murbolk led them into a sparkling clean bathroom.

There siting next to a silver toilet lay a large dog with long horns, similar to that of a deer's. It also had hands rather than paws and a big sharp beak.

The dog woke up, it made a strange beeping noise and ran to Murbolk

“George!” yelled Murbolk “he doesn’t have the vocal cords to talk but he still understands us”

The group heard footsteps behind them and turned to see the young girl standing behind them.

Her stomach made a loud growling noise and she smiled at them

“I'm sorry” she said “but he is hungry”

She smiled a small apologetic smile. The growling noise loudened and her brown eyes turned into bright crimson. Fur broke threw her skin and large talons sprouted were pink painted fingernails once were.

Here mouth grew into a snout and the once tiny girl grew a few feet taller. With a final howl, The teeth bared werewolf stood in front of them.

“I thought werewolves were only mindless seedpods for vampires” said Arthur

“Obviously this is some brand new breed” said the Professor

“Cool” said Swiftman “I've always wanted to meet Cookie Monster, how do you do?”

The werewolf gave a tremendous roar

“Don’t call it Cookie Monster” said Holly

The werewolf lifted a claw beared hand and brought it down with lightning speed. Arthur ducked out the way but the razor sharp claws still sliced threw the skin of his left side

“ARTHUR” Holly yelled she ran up to him and helped him up.

The werewolf turned towards Murbolk and his brother and directed a large bite towards them. Ready they dodged it and Holly shot a large blast of electricity towards the beast.

It toppled to the ground.

“Beepbopbeep” said Murbolk's brother

“He asked what setting you had the blaster on” said Murbolk

“Mild shock” said Holly

George ran up to the werewolf “beepbopbeeepbeepboop” he said

“He asked if you killed it” asked Murbolk

“Probably not” said Holly

“Beepboopbeep” george said

This time Murbolk floated back a step, a look of shock on his face “he-he says the werewolf was his………… his…………. His mother” he said

“But I thought genetic mishaps didn’t have parants” said Holly

“not his biological mother, his adopted mother”

“Beepboo-" began George

“It will just be easier if we could all understand each other” interrupted the Professor, walking up to George and putting a translation collar around his neck

George looked up at Murbolk

“As I was saying” he said “once Professor Fishfolk let us go, we need what all genetic mishaps do, we broke off and found our closest genetic mach to adopt us.

“A werewolf is just as canine as me, with some human in it too” said George, holding up his human hands “that’s what the rest of us have done, and probably what you should do too”

Murbolk looked down “I suppose, if its what's supposed to happen, then I guess I should go find my best genetical mach. Murbolk claped his hands and a portal opened up

“Murbolk wait” said Arthur, but it was too late, Murbolk had jumped in.

“Well, I guess its back to the Unknown Zone” said the Professor

“I guess” said Arthur

“Can I come with you?” asked Toaster Waffles

“By taking you, you could be but in extreme danger and heat” said the Professor

“I still want to come, what use am I here."

“Did you know I can’t actually reproduce?” asked Toaster Waffles “I wasn’t exactly well built” he said, glaring at Arthur.

“Hey cut me some slack, it was my first time” said Arthur

“How do we get back?” asked Holly

“There's a small train station a few kilometers away, they will take you wherever you want, even the surface” said George

“I guess we should head off there then” said the Professor

“Bye” said Stephan