Truce between Species (chapter)

Truce between Species is the seventh chapter in Fun with Vampires. It features the introductions of Dmitri Kravinoff, Tacorial, Sapienstein, Helgra, Orcist and Septimus.

Content
Machene Euphorious was old.

Very old.

Older than 90% of Earth's population. He was the oldest human being. But quite a few other species roamed the planet. And that's why there's a Truce Between Species.

Long ago, the race of neanderthal evolved into humanity. In the 21st century, people hypothesised that the humans killed the neanderthals. In actual fact, they went on to evolve into the incredibly intelligant race of elf. The elves watched over humanity for billenia, until the human race evolved once more, into the race of dwarf. The humans and dwarves struck war, a pointless war, but still. war. Sick of this stupid waste of lives, the perfect elves came down and put the humans and dwarves differences aside, forming the Truce between Species. The Truce states that the humans and dwarves are now as one race. That they must come to agreements and never fight over which one is right. It was a complete destruction of racism. After a few centuries, the Truce requested the elves to join, seeing as they created it. A millenia or so on, the Truce struck a mighty war with the race of goblin, who had evolved from lizards and were cold-blooded killers. Eventually, the goblins surrendered. The Truce wished to destroy the foul creatures, but the elves came up with a better idea. The goblins joined the Truce, ensuring that there would be peace. This didn't really happen, but oh, well. Each species elects a representative and an aide (who just sits there) to represent them in the Truce. Every week, the reps gather in the Truce Executive Headquarers and debate various issues. Euphorious isn't a rep, nor an aide, but he is a strong voice in the Truce, and today he has something topical to discuss.

Machene Euphorious stood in the guest podium in the Truce Executive Headquarters. Next to him stood the elf rep, an aging, long-haired man by the name of Tacorial and his anonymous aide. Next to Tacorial, stood the dwarf rep, a strong, blonde, platted-haired woman called Helgra and her unnamed aide. Then stood the human rep, a ginger-haired, tall man by the name of Sapienstein and his blend-in aide. And then, next to Sapienstein and the guest box, stood the goblin rep, a tall, green-skinned, pointy-eared, long-clawed, sharp-toothed man with two sets of eyes, one on his head and another on two stalks elongating from his bald scalp, by the name of Orcist. Orcist refused to have an aide, it is against the goblin way to recieve help.

"I say there needs to be a cake for the Graduating Class of 5,000,000,563,876!" yelled Sapienstein.

"The cakes always taste horrible," pointed out Helgra.

"Ehmhmhmhm!" Euphorious cleared his throat.

"Machene Euphorious?" smiled Tacorial.

"Oh, Euphorious!" boomed Sapienstein.

"Machene," laughed Helgra.

"Greetingsssss, Mr Euphorioussss!" snivelled Orcist.

"Hello, Taicorial, Helgra, Sapienstein...Orcist and their beautiful aides, except Orcist's who isn't within existence. This is no friendly visit. Infact, I am here to discuss a very grim matter. As you know, Holyman appointed me headmaster of the Academy for the Training of Hunters of the Vampirical Kind. And, the past few months, there have been close to no vampires in the Big City. At first we thought it might mean extinction. But no. Arthur Longknuckle and his possee, who, I am sure you know, are going on an expedition to Skid Row to defeat an enemy sightseer have reported exceedingly high ammounts of vampires in the Unknown Zone. The vampires are migrating and here to talk about it today is Ambassador Merbolk of Stagel Halt, over to you, Ambassador."

Merbolk the genetic mishap strode into the geust box. "Thank you, Euphorious. Like the Unknown Zone, Stagel Halt is increasing in vampire numbers. I myself have only just been appointed Ambassador by Professor Cochane Weirdenstrange and do not know much about the issue. But I am close friends with someone who does. May I bring to the attention of the Truce, Professor Harry Fishfolk."

A small mechanical box with weels and an odd, tentacly organic mass ontop came striding into the geust box.

"Professor Fishfolk," continued Merbolk, "was an evilgenius hiding in Stagel Halt and a personal enemy of mine, till he was sired and became a vampire. In his vampirical undeceasedness,Professor Fishfolk was staked by Arthur Longknuckle, our friendly sighteseer, but after the implosion of the Stagel Halt Nuclear Power Plant, Harry was revived, but horribly mutated. I mistook him for a genetic mishap and took sympathy for my old enemy. After building him this mobile support facility, I learned of his true identity, but stayed true as he had obviously reformed. Now, Professor, as being an ex-vampire, what do you know about this mysterious migration?"

"Well, Merby (everyone chuckled, but covered it up with a fake sneeze), vampires are quite time-sensitive and can tell when a great inter-time change is about to happen. The vampires were migrating, because in a matter of months, time will be changed so that the Unknown Zone is habitable."

Everyone gasped.

"How is this possible?" yelled Sapienstein.

"Yeah," added Helgra.

"Quite, representitives," said Euphorious. "I believe that somebody wants the Key to Time and I believe that somebody is Wicca."

"What?" yelled Helgra.

"You can't be sssserioussss," hissed Orcist.

"Wicca would never try anything after she lost that war," added Tacorial.

"I'm afraid various snitches inform she is planning for world domination once more," said Euphorious.

"Exactly," said Merbolk.

"I believe that Wicca is after Walter Chestnut, the enemy sightseer. With him she can locate the Blue Chair and with some luck, the Key. Arthur and co. are our only hope. The fate of time rests in the hands of a 15-year old, two 16-year olds, a month old, a 56-year old and I'm not so sure how old the monkey is."

"But what about the Truccccccccce?" asked Orcist. "It issss a major hisssstorical event, by Newton Law 12, a major hisssstorical happening cannot be changed by the Key, unlesss the event hasss been ended or pausssed."

"Exactly," said Fishfolk, "that's where the traitor comes in."

"What?" boomed Helgra.

"You are not making any sense, Euphorious," said Sapienstein.

"One rep," said Euphorious, "has betrayed the Truce to Wicca, in order to destroy the Truce so that the Key can work affectively."

"Orcist," said Tacorial.

"Orcist," said Sapienstein.

"Orcist," said Helgra.

"No!" screamed Euphorious. "The second you start blaming, the second this Truce begins to crumble. Whoever the traitor is, we must not accuse them, even if we have proof. That's what Wicca wants, although Orcist is the most uncivilised rep, that doesn't mean he's the traitor."

"It kinda does," said Sapienstein.

"Shhh! Now, back to my story, Arthur and such are our only hopes, without them we would all die,or not even be born. But we must not tell them, they are only kids, apart from Cochane, they need to think they are just going on a pointless excursion so that one of them can fly and punch really hard. But they need protection from the migrating vampires and Wicca's servants. Especially that Plughole, he's scary. That's why a collauge of mine, Dr. Mervin Marvin, has constructed a droid to face these foes. Dr Marvin, if you would join us in this tight-fit box."

Sapienstein bent over to Helgra. "It's like Mentally Disabled Star Wars Fan Convention all over again."

Helgra began to laugh in a very strange, pig-like tone.

"What's so funny?" snapped Euphorious.

"Nothing," Helgra replied.

Mervin Marvin walked in with a runny nose, cramming a whiteboard into whatever space there was left in the geust box. The whiteboard was useless, he just thought it'd make him look professional. He saw Fishfolk. "Harry Fishfolk?"

"Mervin Marvin?" replied Fishfolk.

"Wow, it's such-"

"Get on with it, Marvin!" yelled Sapienstein.

"Ok," said Marvin. "well... Just wait for the prototype to arrive. It's taking a little while."

"Yes, we can see that!"

Finally, a clunky droid entered the geust box. It's feet were straight, blue plastic, its legs elongated off of that and joined by massive bolts onto its square-shaped body. The only feature on the body was a small blue light. Its arms came off in the same fashion as the legs and were stupid and toy-like like them too. With no neck, stood the circular head with two bulbs for eyes and a speaker grill. Maybe you wouldn't be able to realise, seeing as droids haven't been mentioned a lot in this book yet, but Marvin's droid is a pretty shitty one.

"That's your prototype?" said Sapienstein in disbelief.

"Hey," said Marvin, then, adding in, trying to be cool, "it's a prototype, doesn't have to be sexy."

"Yeah, but it'd help."

"Leave DrMarvin alone," said Euphorious, "if that was your prototype, he wouldn't laugh."

"Yeah, but that's what seperates the nerds from the jocks."

"He's a scientist, he's meant to be a nerd, so are politicians, keep your mouth shut or I'll think you're the traitor."

"Everyone knows the traitor's Orcist."

"No they don't."

"We kinda do," said Helgra.

"Yeah," added Tacorial.

"Then shut up!" yelled Euphorious. "Sorry, Orcist."

"It'ssss fine," said Orcist.

"Anyway," said Marvin. "Prototype I may not be agile, but it's the ultimate vampire slaying machine."

"Oh, yeah," said Sapienstein.

"Send in the beast!"

Two muscly men came in, with a full-grown vampire chained up. The vampire hissed and pulled on the chains. The men tryed to pull it back, but they couldn't last much longer.

"Let it attack!" yelled Marvin.

They let go and the chained vampire dashed towards Marvin, Euphorious, Merbolk and Fishfolk. Prototype I clunked infront of them. A hole formed in its hand and a stake slowly escalated out. The droid stabbed the staked forwards and missd the vampire completely. Slowly, it retried and got it in the stomach. It hissed in paian, but kept on going. Prototype I stabbed it once more, this time hitting its arm.

"Ow!" it said, returning to its business.

The prototype restabbed and got it in its head. Tired off being stabbed in places, and also because the muscles that kept its eyes open were parlilised, the vampire fell down and went to sleep.

"Ta-da!" said Marvin.

The dwarf aide clapped two short claps, and then realised that even doing that wasn't enough and he settled his arms together in a humph, like everyone else.

"And th-th-the best th-thing about i-i-it," stuttered Marvin. "Is th-that it h-has d-d-direct synchr-r-ronisation to D-d-deep Blue, so it can never betray y-y-y-y-y-y-you."

"Wow," said Sapienstein, sarcastically.

Euphorious was about to say something to back Marvin up, but then suddenly fireworks erupted everywhere.

Smoke enhazed the room and from within it a dragon appeared. Dragons were once magical, yet disgusting creatures. Though the Truce humiliatingly defeated them, so they decided to live a more solem life. Though they refuse to join the Truce, dragons are still powerful, peaceful creatures.

The dragon was long and serpent-like, though feathers erupted on two parralel lines across it's skinny body. Its tail ended with a fluff of feather and four legs with red claws sprouted from its body. Its small head held gaping jaws and two bulging eyeballs. The dragon opened its mouth and blew out a stream of fire. The fire ended and circled into a dragons head, the crest of the Dragon Nation. The dragon came and perched on the rim of the geust box, its back bending up into a U shape.

"May the Truce recognise King Septimus of the Dragon Nation to the meeting," said the dragon.

"This isreallytaking advantage of our geust policy," said Sapienstein, seeing as Euphorious, Fishfolk, Merbolk, Marvin, Prototype I, a sleeping vampire and now Septimus sat there.

"I couldn't help but overhere your little discussion," said Septimus. "And I agree completely. Someone should be sent to guard the sightseer and such. Yet that someone must be strong, dexterous and...alive. You," he pointed to the human box, "What's your name, son?"

"You know who I am!" boomed Sapienstein.

"Not you, the young man next to you."

Sapienstein's aide, a young, black-haired, moustached man stood up. "Do you mean me?" he said in a thick Russian accent.

"Yes!"

"I am Dmitri Kravinoff, sir."

"But he's just an aide," said Sapienstein.

"Son, you nolonger work for the Truce. You are now an official Dragon Nation rep. You will go to the Unknown Zone and protect the sightseer. For I give you the Breath of a Dragon." He then blew out lungfull of air onto Dmitri who enhaled it.

"Now wait just a darned minute," said Sapienstein.

"No minutes. Watch!" He picked up the vampire, who awoke and threw it at Dmitri. The aide span around, kicked the creature, pulled it up, punched it and threw it up, towards a wooden post. It was impaled and it fell down, all in the process of a second.

"As you can see-" Septimus began.

"Look, I'm bored of this!" yelled Tacorial. "Truce dismissed."

"Deep Blue'sssss got to call it!" snapped Orcist.

"Ok, then. Deep Blue!"

"Yes, Tacorial," came Deep Blue's voice.

"Request dissmissal."

"Truce dissmissed."

Everyone began to crowd out, they still hadn't decided whether or not to make a cake!

Euphorious dragged the vampire corpse through the hallway and was caught by the eye of Tacorial. The elf stopped whatever it was he was doing and joined Euphorious in his expedition to the dumpster.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Taking out the trash," said Euphorious, "you?"

"Just transmitting some data."

"Mmm." "Listen to me, Machene, Orcist is the traitor!"

"How do you know that?"

"I just do."

"So, in other words, you don't?"

"No! He's betrayed the Truce before."

"Yeah, but that was to Mr Funny Cone's Door-to-Door Ice Cream Van after the four of you didn't pay an extra 5 cents needed for theice cream you bought and they sued you. Orcist was the only one who made any sense and gave them their money."

"But he still betrayed us."

"Look, I know it's Orcist, you know its Orcist, so does Helgra and Sapienstein and everyone else. But the moment you accuse him, the moment the Truce breaks and the moment Wicca can use the Key."

"I suppose."

Dmitri walked down a corridor and was confronted by Sapienstein. He's shrewd face crinkled at the sight of his aide.

"Listen here, you," he said, wagging his finger. "You are FIRED!"

"Good," said Dmitri. "I work for the Dragon Nation now, I'm a rep."

"Not if I can help it! There is a 1 in 10 chance that the referendums, ammendments and hypertherminal under-Y criss-crosses will eventually see you as worthy and legal. And if they do, then you will be representing the Truce, not the Dragon Nation."

"I hate you!" yelled Dmitri, storming off.

Euphrious heaved the vampire out of the building and a droid which resembled a giant can of soft drink with arms and legs approached him.

"Greetings," it said, "I am Cassanova Doid 456973x and would you be interested in buying a platinum copy of Star Wars XXIV: Yoda's Revenge?"

"Ah-" said Euphorious.

"I am sorry, I must leave you it is time for RoboMass."

The droid walked off and, along with all the droids in the Big City, gathered infront of the James Logie Baird Commemorative Giant Television Screen.

Up on the screen came a humanoid droid with the number 3 imprinted on its chest.

"Greetings, lesser androids," said the droid. "I am Droid 3, your lord and master. Years ago, the mighty Holyman Tuberling dreamed of creating robots to help the Truce. He created two droids, which were renegades. Droids 1 and 2 killed hundreds of civilians, before escaping into the Unknown Zone, never to be seen again. Broke, Holyman managed to construct I, Droid 3, theperfet servent. Everyone loved me, so Holyman manged to create Tuberling Enterprises, the most succesful droid company in the Big City. As his first act as CEO of Tuberling Enterprises, Holyman constructed a massive computer system, Deep Blue. Every droid he created was synced into Deep Blue, who's first priority was to protect the Truce. Though all of us droids are in debt of Deep Blue, our loyalty chips can break and therefore I urge you to take a minute to resync yourselves to Deep Blue. Amen."

"Amen," the droids chanted,before resyncing themselves.

Euphorious heaved the vampire into the dumpster and turned around to see a jet. Next to it, he saw Merbolk and Fishfolk and walked up to them to say goodbye.

"Where are you off to?" Euphorious asked.

"Stagel Halt," replied Merbolk. "I'm trying to appoint Fishfolk as my aide."

"And I am trying to run for ambassadorial aide," added Fishfolk.

"Ah!" smiled Euphorious. "Well, I'll see you when I see you, which might not be that far away, seeing the circumstances."

"Yes," said Merbolk. "In times like this allies must stay close and not let anyone slip."

"It'll be hard with this traitor."

"The traitor might not even be a rep," said Fishfolk. "It could be an aide, or even you know who, or technically it."

"Don't accuse her either, she was built by Holyman, the most trusworthy man in the world."

"Who tried to destroy the world twice," added Merbolk.

"Yes. Well, I'll be off then, got to catch up with an old friend, Skivvy."

"See you, then," said Merbolk, striding aboard.

"Good bye," said Fishfolk, hobbling along the steps.

"Wait!" came a yell from behind. "Don't leave yet!"

And there, striding towards the jet, was Septimus.

The pilot saw him and opened the staircase once more.

"Where are you off to?" asked Euphorious.

"Stagel Halt," repiled Septimus.

"Aren't you needed in the Dragon Nation?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Well, don't tell anyone, but, I'm not the King of the Dragon Nation anymore?"

"Why?"

"I was forcibly removed from office."

"What? Why? How?"

"Dragons don't like me. They like some other guy, not even a dragon."

"Who?"

"No one knows, he's human, they just call him the Man in the Purple Bow Tie."

"Why do they like him more?"

"Because he's bad. I don't meant bad, like sexy, I mean bad, like bad. Dragons don't want a good guy. They want to be evil again. The Man in the Purple Bow Tie is directly in league with Wicca. The dragons are turning and the first guy on the Man in the Purple Bow Tie's kill list is me. I'm going to Stagel Halt. He'll never find me there."

"Wait, b-"

"Gotta go, Machene." He ran onto the jet and it took off through Hyperspace.

"Bye." He turned around to see Marvin at the dumpster. "Mervin, what are you doing?"

"Dumping some trash!" he replied.

Euphorious looked down to see Prototype I badly stuffed into the dumpster. "Oh, the prototype wasn't that bad, it just needs some improving."

"Some improving? It needs all the improving that there can ever be!"

"Well, it killed the vampire."

"No, it didn't! It bored it so much it fell to sleep, Kravinoff killed it. He's more worthy than it ever was."

"Well, Kravinoff isn't going."

"How do you know?"

"Because...the Dragon Nation have sided with Wicca."

"What? But Septimus-"

"Septimus has been replaced."

"By who?"

"Dunno. He's called the Man in the Purple Bow Tie. Come on, lets go get some dinner."

Euphorious and Marvin sat at the La Ratataki, a French cuisine. The Maitre D' approached them.

"What can I get you two fine sirs?" he asked.

"Three sirs," said Sapienstein, appearing behind them and sitting down.

"Three sirs?"

"I'll have the Insectorial Delight," said Euphorious.

"I'll have the Liquified Ratatouille with a Cocktail Umbrella," said Sapienstein.

"And you, sir?" asked the Maitre D'.

Marvin was too busy scanning his menu for the healthiest thing so Sapienstein wouldn't make fun of his weight.

"Sir?"

"I'll have the Garden Salad," said Marvin.

"You do know its an appetiser?"

"I'm not that hungry."

"Ok, it won't take too long."

"Listen," said Sapienstein, to Marvin.

"Look, I ndon't care, I chose the Garden Salad so you wouldn't make fun of me, but you still did, so I hope you're happy."

"No. I wanted to apologize."

"What?"

"I'm sorry for treating you so badly. I just wanted Helgra to laugh."

"What?" laughed Euphorious.

"Helgra. I-I think I love her."

"Well that's fantastic. Love is a strange thing though, you think you've fallen in when really your just leaning on it, having a smoke."

"Yeah, I'm really gonna take love advice from a virgin."

"I'm not a virgin." "Never seen you with a girl though, or a man. Oooooeeeooooooh!"

"Ooooeeeeooooh!" Marvin joined in, feeling he and Sapienstein had reached some form of slight friendship.

"Well, jokes are all fine," said Euphorious, "but I must confront you about a more upsetting subject."

Euphorious explained all about Septimus, the Dragon Nation and the Man in the Purple Bow Tie, until the Maitre D' reapproached them.

"One Insectorial Delight, one Liquified Ratatouille with Cocktail Umbrella and one...Garden Salad. Bon apetite!"

After finishing their meal, Euphorious, Sapienstein and Marvin walked down a dark alleyway.

They were laughing about that time when Euphorious tried to destroy the world, but then stopped as they heard a meow.They looked around, but couldn't find the source. Yet a black cat that was there but wasn't there sat above an apartment, watching down on them.

At that moment, around the corner, came Prototype I.

"I thought I binned you!" yelled Marvin.

The droid clunked towards them and a stake elongated from its hand. It stabbed it towards them and almost impaled Sapienstein. It spun around, attempting to kill Euphorious, before demonstrating what looked like a mechanical version of the Karta (an ancient Karate sequence for defence and offence of multiple attackers). Eventually,it stabbed Marvin in his leg and he fell down, howling in pain. Not long after, Sapienstein was hit in the stomach and Euphorious's shoulder was damaged. They squirmed on the ground and Prototype I lifted up his hand, ready to strike. It began to plumment its arm to the ground, when, suddenly, in jumped Dmitri. He grabbed a wooden pole and hit the arm away. Prototype I attempted to stab him but he did a somersault and, mid-turn sliced off the robot's stake with his pole, plummenting at such a speed that it snabbed the balsar wood as it hit it. Landing behind the droid, Dmitri hit its head off and stabbed the stick through its internal systems.

He then helped Euphorious, Marvin and Sapienstein up.

"What went wrong?" asked Sapienstein.

"I don't understand, its loyalty chip's entirely functioning, its entire mechanism is controlled by Deep Blue."

"No," said Euphorious. "Prototype I wasmade of plastic, used bubble-gum, balsar wood and hair-clips, I assume that it had a faulty chip."

"Yeah, I s'pose."

"Now, back to the matter at hand. Dmitri, you saved my life. Thank you."

"Don't thank me," said Dmitri, "it was nothing, with my newfound strength, I intend to become a superhero."

"Not on my watch," smiled Sapienstein. "Dmitri Kravinoff, you are going to represent the Truce in Arthur's possee- do we have to call them Arthur's possee, why not make a codename?"

"Fine, Team Manhattan," said Euphorious. "Its relevant seing as they have a motive same to that of the Cold War's Project Manhattan, to save humanity from world destruction."

"Sure, Dmitri Kravinoff, you are becoming an official Truce representative and vampirical and, if need be, other species bodyguard of Team Manhattan. Are you up to the challenge."

Dmitri didn't even think it over.

"Yes, sir."